Ma Maven | The Mom Without A Manual

It’s a few minutes past 10 pm and I’m trying to decide if I’m too tired to have a moment to myself. While no one has an immediate need for me to fulfill I’m thinking, “Do I shower? Catch up on my shows? Or do I go lay down?”. One of the most common requests I get throughout my day is, “Ma, when am I going to get Mommy time?” Even though I’m a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, for some reason I didn’t think my seven-year-old and I needed more time together. I love that I have the flexibility to stay home all day and tend to the needs of my home and children; however, I still needed to figure out what this mommy time is suppose to consist of.

So let’s rewind it back about 8 months or so. We’ve just had our second child, my daughter Li Li, who was undoubtedly getting the bulk of my attention. And maybe the bulk of my affection as well. But it’s so hard not to love on a newborn baby. From their smell to just their curiosity about life, how do you not gush every time you look at this new creature you have produced? Don’t get me wrong, I thought I was doing my best with sharing my time between the new baby, my oldest baby, my husband, and my bed. But when my 7-year-old came up to me requesting “mommy time” at the end of each night I had to stop and think about how he has been an only child for years now and this is probably an adjustment. He is use to getting my full attention. It takes me back to when I first married my husband and I no longer shared my bed with my son. That step was an adjustment for us both but he was practically a baby during that transition so things went smooth. I mean shoot he’s still my baby but now we’re coming into a place where he is understanding what’s going on and recognizes that we have to adjust again.

With his request for more “mommy time” I’ve recognized his need to share with me his heart. Honestly, the conversations I have with this little boy continues to amaze me. He tells me his thoughts, his dreams, his fears, and the things that he has observed throughout his day. I mean like who is this kid? So I try to make a note to indulge him a few nights a week with “mommy time” before I get the “Ma, is it mommy time now?” question.

Let me be absolutely honest, most of the time I don’t feel like doing it. Most of the time, I am just super tired and don’t want to engage with anybody after a certain point in the day. It’s like my brain just powers down the same way my phone does when I fail to put it on the charger when it’s at 1% battery. I can tell because I start getting frustrated, and want to go lay down some where. Here I am taking a page out of my own mom’s book, I too desire to go and lie down every chance I get.

If my husband could bring me a snack preferably a piece of cake and/or ice cream and let me be, you will not hear a word from me until the next morning. And that’s my idea of mommy time. I’m thinking to myself, “You go, take the kids to another room and you guys play the games, watch the movies and figure the rest out!”. Dinner time, nighttime routine, etc. As long as I’m not being asked a question, not being touched and there are no requests made for me for a good two hours, Mommy time is all good with me. But that’s not how it plays out most evenings.

Don’t get me wrong I love every minute of being around my family and us spending time together making memories, laughing, playing the games, clowning one another. But seriously I’m starting to recognize my limits when it comes to too much togetherness. Especially with everything going on and our decision to homeschool this year, which I must admit is something I’ve wanted to do for the longest and I’m thankful to have the opportunity to do it now, I have noticed the togetherness is becoming a bit much.

I’ve had to figure out for myself what does time for me look like. Is that a weekend away at a spa?( I wish) Is that staying up a few hours after the kids go to sleep to catch up on all my shows? Do some sort of elaborate pampering routine? Or does it consist of brushing my teeth and going to bed with the same clothes I had on for 2 days now? It depends on what type of day I’ve had. I know I’ve got the same 24 hours allotted to me that Beyoncé has, but gurrrrl I’s tired and I too desire to go lay down somewhere and take a nap.