Ma Maven | The Mom Without A Manual

Everybody at some point in their lives wants to be made new again. With the closing of one year and waking up in the next makes you reevaluate what you have been mulling over for the last 365 days.

“Another year has passed me by and I didn’t do this, that, this, and this.” has crossed my mind at least 100 times. In the year 2021 alone, I’ve gone through about two or three different transitions, mentally, physically, and emotionally. From being a hopeful pregnant mom of two to being a postpartum mom who is always tired, it’s been a big stressor for me actually. Without the lack of sleep, I’ve been really struggling on many different levels, but one struggle, in particular, has been nagging me the most. Since the new year is here I think I have been wanting to rediscover who I am.

Becoming a mom of three happened so quickly and unexpectedly. No doubt, I am enjoying the full days of raising my children, moment by moment. However however, there’s a part of me who would like to rediscover what being me actually looks like. Not as a mom, or as a wife, just as Me. What I don’t want to have happened is for the kids to grow up and go on, I look up and do not know who I’m facing when I look into the mirror.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about putting my own less immediate needs on hold in order to tend to my kids and my home, heck, even my husband. But at some point during my alone time, when there’s actually alone time to partake in and enjoy, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Right now, I’m finding myself oftentimes comparing what I used to do in my spare time as a single motherless 20-something-year-old to my now 30-year-old mother of three downtimes. I’ve realized that my interests are not the same. I don’t like the same activities that I use to. The TV shows watched, the music listened to, the things that I kept entertaining, and what I’ve cared to do, are not the same. And don’t even get me started on what I used to wear. It’s not even close to my style now.

That is if you consider oversized ten-year-old family reunion t-shirts paired with 3-day worn Walmart yoga pants a style. Though I just cringed to share that, it lets me know that I so need to take a deep dive into this, I don’t know what you would call it, self-discovery. If that’s even the trending “2020-two” term for it. I fear getting totally lost in motherhood, I don’t want to look up and the kids are out of the house, moving on, and I don’t have a sense of who I am. I know that I am not so one-dimensional.

Currently, the most important personal goal in this “self-discovery” movement I’m on is to be able to thoroughly enjoy my time when I’m away from my self-made minions. This could be another typical “new year, new me” blog and you would be right in assuming that because it is. I want this journey to be about discovering who I am and who I’m growing into as a mom of three, as a wife, as a friend, but most importantly, as Me. And I want this journey to go beyond this year of my life. I want to continuously live in the space of evolution. Not being stagnant for 10 to 15 years, only to find myself going back and chasing this person I used to be. At some point, 20 something-year-old me served a purpose however, I’m no longer her and I would be foolish to think I can go back to being her in the future.

Who am I right now and who am I becoming? I’m excited to find out.