Ma Maven | The Mom Without A Manual

Being a mom can be very alienating at times. I don’t think that people realize that. Then throw in the stay-at-home mom title and the feelings of loneliness are compounded. I’ve observed moms who are able to combat these feelings by having a peer group or community where there are other women of a similar age range, whose families live close in proximity, and children of a similar age.

Being someone who is considers herself very close to her sisters I believed they would be my tribe. However, things hadn’t quite worked out for me that way. Because of the age gap between us, there’s a vast difference in where our lives are. We don’t have children of the same age, we are in different stages of love and marriage, as well as educational pursuits, so everyone seems to be busy doing their own thing for the most part. Now we don’t even live close to one another. I think the differences and distance have taken its toll on me as a mother.

Having my first child when I was 21 years old, I didn’t realize the road it would set me on with the group of friends I had at that time. Back then, my friends were partying and beginning to journey into their careers and rightfully so. We were young, fresh out of beauty school/college. I however just had my son and couldn’t do all the things they were doing. The path that I had chosen set me up for the loneliness that I am experiencing now.

Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of places where I would find myself interfacing with other mothers; like while at doctors’ appointments, playgrounds, and schools.

I found it very hard to identify with the varying mom groups. Some seemed like more youthful than myself while others were well into their thirties and married. At the age of 21 I didn’t know where I could fit in as a new mom.

I notice now that I gravitate more towards women who are older moms with kids my own age. I love the fact that they have once been where I am and help keep me encouraged, always reminding me that I will make it through just as they have.

Don’t sleep on an auntie! They are no longer full-time moms, which allows them space and time to be sober minded when they think back on their own journey of motherhood and have the heart to encourage the next generation of mothers.

Everyone is busy in their own right, but being mom busy is a little bit different. Not only is your heart divided but your thoughts, your entire mind, is solely on your children and the needs they have at any given moment. Even if you are married, the needs of your spouse can get pushed aside and much lower on the list of priorities (this will be discussed in another blog).

I’m in a space right now where I’m thankful for the solid relationships that I have been able to build. The friendships that I’ve cultivated and though I look forward to the day when I have a community of families, whether they have children or not, we can be closer in proximity, and can really be a village to lean on. I look for the day when that could be my reality. Right now I kind of take what I can get.

So are there any other moms out there who are struggling with this same feeling of being isolated? How are you dealing with the loneliness? What are the things that you find yourself doing throughout the day? Are you picking up more hobbies? Are you carving time out for yourself? Are you finding yourself watching Youtube videos for company?